I still think it’s 300 years ago.
Welcome, Schizophrenics and Psychopaths, Maniacs and Madmen, Daydreamers and Haberdashers, to New Sheoth’s greatest show, The Not-Mundane Tales of Mundus! With your host, Heirammus the Void Caller! But first! A word from our sponsor, Tove’s Tongs! Tove! What do you have for us today?
“I’ll buy your calibers. The ones you gave me next week.”
Good, good Tove. You know how valuable calipers are. Just have to remember giving them to you later. So, dear mad men, are you ready for today’s tale? As many of you know, I was banished from the Isles because the Dark Brotherhood were driving themselves CRAZY trying to fulfill that old contract on me. Apparently, Momma won’t shut up about me and how I stole Daddy’s shoes. They have really been killing the mood around here, quite literally, between their not so inspired stabbings and all around being boring. But that is another story for the days of some other time!
What most of you don’t know is I met the most interesting five companions for this little trip I am going on. You all know Broan, the blind war priest who sees his enemies by glory shouting vibrations!
(The party’s reaction to Broan’s echolocation included in image)
Sheogorath has had his eyes on him since he sent that annoying s’wit ‘worshipper’ to his grave. Sometimes literally! It’s funny to watch the Old Hat’s eyes touching Broan while he sleeps. Best part are nose eyes. Makes him snore in orcish.
But then there are my other companions! Jo’zin-Dar and his friend, “This One!” I believe “This One!” is a dragon, because a reliable source tells me that dragons are invisible, and I have never seen This One, but Jo’zin talks about him all the time. This One is very wise, as he is always giving the party good advice through Jo’zin.(Maybe this one is a tiny invisible human child? A dragon would be too large to conceal, yes?)
Next, there is Ulrich, our newest companion! A male Dibellan priest, featured in many steamy Dibellan novels, he draws his divine power from the collective sounds of every woman on Mundus calling out ‘Oh Divines!’ during coitus. Bonus spells if they are masturbating to one of his books!
And finally, there is Azagoth! He is serious and boring, and merits little description.
Signature hat included.
Now, we were sent on a perilous journey to deliver a piece of paper to the King of Worms!
Lines of power not available if viewed in mortal format.
Danger lurked around every corner in the form of slavery, necromancers, maggots, and paper cuts. But there was also glory, fun, and a chance… at EXPERIMENTATION!
Yes, dear mad men. I found something. A very, very normal ruby. And I wondered, in this dark cave… oh yeah, we were in a dark cave. In this dark cave, I found a very, very normal ruby! And I determined that casting the spell “Light” on it should make the ruby give off a shiny, red, and sparkly light, instead of the normal color of light one would expect. This, of course, is drawn from Sheogorath’s Law of Arcane Likelihood, which states if something awesome could happen, it probably will.The well known second law
However, it DIDN’T! Sheogorath’s will was defied, and there had to be a reason, probably, maybe! So, while my companions fought an argonian necromancer fire shaman, I delved into the deep mysteries of the arcane world, and their interaction with divine sources of power. And the solution was so obvious! The problem was Multiple Arcane Theological Turbulence! As some of you know, this is a condition caused by multiple extremely devout divine casters being located in the same area, on the same side. A form of arcane synergy begins, but their conflicting natures, and the conflicting nature of their sources of power, hinder each other, causing divine alterations to spells to not work properly. This is most notable for Sheogorthian priests, because we like to do our magic with a bit of pizazz!
Anyway, the necromancer kicked our asses, then ran away. But remember the morale of the story children! M.A.T.T. is a dick!Never forget.