This is leading up to be one of the most complicatedly strange adventures in my life. Sure, there were the trials of the giants, and I did that roaming work for the blades… but this adventure has been of a different sort. I have lost count of how many poisons and diseases have ravaged my body. My memory isn’t what it used to be, perhaps a side effect of the concussions I’ve suffered. More than a handful of times, my life has been saved by one of my compatriots. I have never once used the term friend since Victoria left… at least, not until recently. For the first time in years, I feel like I have a purpose. As the blood pours from my wounds, and my friends battle at my sides, I feel alive!
Recently, I renewed my membership with the Fighter’s Guild, and the group did a few odd jobs here and there, trying to make enough coin to scrape by. With the coin coming in, I’ve been able to party a little – in my own way.
Come to find out, not all partying is good for you. One night, I got piss drunk and wandered around the forest nearby, singing to the moon and the stars. Next thing I know, I’m hung over in the bed of this ugly maiden – at least I hope “she” was a maiden, but I did not stay long enough to check – and nearly a week has passed. I should be more careful buying liquor and smokes from black market dealers. That shit might get me killed faster than any ghosts.
Ghosts… now that’s a thought, isn’t it? They say that Daggerfall city is absolutely full of them at night. I would like to believe that it is some kind of bullshit hoax perpetrated by some temple or another, but I know better. My sword arm quivers with both fear and anticipation at the mere thought of going toe-to-toe with such a thing. Even when I think things through, my heart longs for combat. They say that such cravings are in the blood of every Orsimer.
But back to my story. We get this crazy letter from someone – don’t remember the name, but they said it was a woman working for the Emperor – claiming to be on our side. We curried along down the paths, and some idiots decided to attack us. Had it been me, I’d have used better ambush tactics. Of course, had it been me, I’d probably not attack a sizable group with only two people. It was poorly thought out; no wonder they followed the lunatic prince. I felt a little sorry for the dunmer woman, because she was a pretty little thing, but her boyfriend – thing – pissed me off when he charged at me. So I cut their heads off and threw them somewhere into the forest. We spent the rest of the afternoon burying a poor traveler that they’d murdered.
So the woman we were going to go see. She was waiting for us at this tavern called the Prancing Pig. I had to stop and stare at the sign when we got there. I thought they bullshitting when they said that this was our destination. Luckily, we didn’t stay there long enough to get into any real trouble. Our lovely priestess Avery went to the back room for a meeting, Marella went to the “other” back room looking for some “company,” Azagoth went about being all mysterious and quiet again, and Broan… my god that oaf would pick a fight with his mirror reflection if he thought it didn’t praise Talos as well as he did. I drank in a corner while watching him man-hug a bunch of other Orsimer that talked about Malacath. In comparison, I’d much rather hear a sermon about Talos.
Well, sermon we did hear! We were told we needed to get in good with the noble houses, and that the best way to do that would be… to be knighted. The entire walk. The entire fucking walk through god-awful forests, in the middle of winter, was filled with Broan’s shouting and boasting. He kept challenging the creatures of the forest, even the damn rabbits and squirrels, to test his mettle. Or was it metal? I can’t remember now… thankfully, we didn’t meet anything to take him up on his offer.
So we met with the knightly order, and what do they ask us to do? Kill a damn dragon. A dragon of all things! Pardon me while I get my dragon killing sword and my dragon killing armor. Oh, and maybe while I’m at it, they can kiss my dragon killing ass… is what I’d like to say to them, but on the other hand, this might be a profitable business venture. Avery saw this as well, and she signed us up to bring the Mage’s Guild some dragon’s scales. Next we went by the Fighter’s Guild to try and get them in on this venture as well. I’ll get back to this point in a moment, but for now, the adventure they sent us on.
Find the guy, blah blah blah, do a job. Typical guild business, and nothing we couldn’t handle. Except the contact was dead on arrival, and there were some spellcasters in there who – frankly – pissed me off. I don’t care that the contact is dead, because I got paid, but you could at least have the finesse to pretend you weren’t caught red handed. Another bunch of lowlifes with a poorly thought out plan, this time they were Dark Brotherhood rejects. When the first one dropped, and we had the second one surrounded, I made a simple taunt. I told him that he could still turn himself in.
I didn’t think he’d take me seriously! dude just dropped everything he was doing, threw his hands up, and asked us to take him to jail. We did just that, making sure to leave the house exactly as we found it. So yeah. Dark Brotherhood goon behind bars, we made our way back to the guild. They complained and griped about the dead contact, but hey. They understood that it wasn’t our fault, and they threw in some spare change for our efforts.
Eh… then came the funny shit. You see, on the way back, Avery asked me all sorts of odd questions. Things about what parts of the dragon can do what. I told her that most of the parts could be used for something or another, and that back home, we even had this food made of dragon testicles and mountain flowers. Said to boost your libido or some shit like that. I didn’t really believe it, but Avery’s eyes looked like they would fall out of her skull. It looked like she could already hear the coins jingling in her pouch.
It made me laugh so fucking hard when the guy called her a blatant liar and a cheat. She was able to convince him that it was legitimate business, but I think they’re suspicious of us again. Either way, we have skulls to split and money to make. Next stop; a mysterious dark tower with a pissed off dragon!